The Claw

[CMDR Blue R]

Author's note:
The Claw is story based on my SW RPG D20 Campaign called simply "Heroic Parody". This wasn't full parody like "Spaceball". This was something more like Michael Stackpole's "I. Jedi". Most of you propably know Wo "Saber" Koon player... It's just Lord Marvel. Well... First session wasn't very good from SW atmosphere point of view, but later was better.
Session one was night session (for about 8-9h playing), which I planed as "single shot"... But later it was whole campaign begun during clone wars and ended during Battle of Yavin.

Session I "Door-keeper"
Episode I "Ceremony"

It was sunset, when the ceremony began. Castle Sauchen - big, ancient fortress located in Black Mountains of Corellia - suddenly become quite. Ale members of "The Claws" mercenaries gathered in quite in Top Castle.
Today, three mercenaries will got promotion to rank "Claw". These promotion often happen once or two per month, but today, three of mercenaries will be promoted at the same time: "Saber", "Negotiator" and "Door-keeper".

Ceremony Chamber was located in old cathedral, when old Sauchen's owners prayed to theyir gods. Today, almost 20 000 years after, these old walls, adorned with battles carving, was theme to ceremony. All members of The Claws which was at Sauchen sat at seat in front of empty chapel and wait in silence.

-Who is this "Saber"? - black fured Bothan whispered to brown skinned Trandoshan girl, which was sittning next to him.
-Don't you know "Ssssaber", "Shhhadow"? - she answered - It'ssssss Wo Koon.
-Wo Koon? - Bothan looked suprised at girl - It isn't too quick? He was joined us not so long ago...
-Yesssssss.... But Negosssstiator is - she started to speak, when sounded fanfare and ceremony begun. All being stand, when The Dark Claws entered chapel from side door.

First entered "Sir". This middleaged Alderaan Nobleman entered chapel with noisy clash. His black, ancient armor fit to this old catedral. He look like legendary Knight from Sauchen Legends. On armor he has his long, red cloack was embroindered two crossed sword on steel shield - Ancient Emblem of Uncaster family. On his belt he has black bladed vibroblade with gray letters "SIR" on it. His metal armor clashed every step, which this knight family succesor done. He stand at middle of chapel and looked around. Weak red glowing eves which lighted behind closed visor terrific stature.

In this total silence next person appear. This low-height Duros with deep azure skin and big, black eyes hidden behind glasses entered chapel. He was wearing old, dirty black suit and look little nerdy. Black bladed vibroblade with gray letters "CPU" on it, which was on his side didn't fit to his appearance. He stand next to Black Knight. Terrific presence of "Sir" don't allow focus eyes on Duros.

-Excuse me, sir. Excuse - voice of droid comming out side doors interrupted silence. As anybody expected Wookie's roar comming out too.
-Yes, my Lady - speak droid, when 2,5 meter tall Wookie entered. Her fur was in ground brown color with some jawellery plaited into. Behind her went her silver humanoid droid. Droid kept another black bladed vibroblade with gray letters "Plushy" on it. Wookie stand next to Duros. Poor Duros was like invisible between "Sir" and "Plushy".

Anyone looked at door, haveing hope, the most mysterious The Dark Claw will appear, but as always appeared only tech-support Twi'lek, who placed table with holo-recorder and printer next to "Plushy". Mysterious "Mr X" don't appear again.

Fanfares sounded again, when "The Great Dark Claw" entered chapel. Toklar was old Mon Calamari. His salmon-colored skin was covered by many scars. He wear his dura-steel water-blue light armor which he used since he become member of the Claw. His black vibroblade has golden letters "Eye", but many Claws speak about him "The Old". After him two servants entered room. One of them kept three new vibroblade with black letters on blade, and second kept trophys of new members. Everyone in catedral could see, that biggest trophy are two banners. One was red and second was blue. Toklar stand behind The Dark Claws on platform and said to "Sir" - Wilhelm, start the ceremony.

Sir Wilhelm Uncaster opened his visor. He was pale human with short, black hair and red, weak glowly eyes. He made step ahead:
-Claws! GLORY! - he shouted raising his fist. Claws also raising fists and shouted "Glory" three times.
-Members of The Claws, the oldest mercenaries group in Galaxy! Today we have very specjal day. Three of our "Claws mercenaries" become member of The Claws in one day! - he started short speach - Everyone of them proved, that he is worthy to have title of "The Claw" and they are one of us! First of them return from death. All we were thinking, he was dead, but he returned! Do you remember Ka-Ardi-Sarr? Now he'll be know as Negotiator! GLORY! - he shouted again.

Older male Cerean entered old cathedral by main door. He was wearing Jedi White Armour on his brown robe. His hairless pale face was steady. Only his brown eyes looked all around, when he trod through cathedral.
-Wait... - Bothan again whispered to Trandoshan girl - This isn't this Jedi Knight, which died three month ago?
-Yesssssss - she answered - But he is no longer a Jedi. He dec... - she stoped when young human, which sat next to her told her to be silent.

Cerean went to chapel and stand before "The Dark Claws". "Sir" took new vibroblade from servant and looked at blade for a few seconds.
-Negotiator. This is your weapon and sing, that you are one of us. - he said to Cerean - Remember. This is honourable weapon. When you take it, your responsibility will be take care of good name of The Claws. Are you ready for that?
-Yes, I am - answered Cerean and took his vibroblade from "Sir".
-Good luck... Negotiator - said "Sir" and step back. "CPU" approached to Cerean and catch his hand.
-Congratulations. - he said very quickly shaking Cerean's hand - I'm happy to see, you are a member of The Claws. - He smiled after his shord speach. Cerean approached to Wookie.
-Thisssss will be hurt... - whispered Trandoshan girl, when droid started translating congratulations, which "Plushy" told Cerean in Shiirywook. Bothan nodded. When Woookie ended her speach, she grabed Cerean and give him very strong hug. Cerean began choking and some Claws quietly laught. When she put him down, he took deep breath and said - Thaa... uhhh... thank you, Miss Sculy...

Older Calamarian patted him after shoulder and said:
- Very well, Negotiator. Very well.
One of servant took red and blue banners and give it Cerean, when "Mr X"'s printer printed a page. Duros took this sheet and read:
-"Negotiator. Congratulations from "Mr X". I know, that your decision wasn't easy, but I know, that you choose it wise. Good luck. GLORY!"
Cerean bowed to the holorecorder and said - Thank you, Mr X. - He took both banners and stand before The Claw Members. He looked forward where many Claws sat and watch him. He put up vibroblade in one hand and banners in other and shout: "GLORY!"

Mercenaries answered loudy "Glory" three times. Negotiator become one of them. His ceremony ended. He stand on side, when "Sir" stared to introdce next person.
-Members of The Claws. Wo Koon is young, but on last mission, he proved that he is brave, skilled and great warrior. Now, he'll be known as "Saber". GLORY! - he shouted when Kel Dor entered cathedral.
He was 1,75m tall, had dark red complexion, slim with visible lines of muscles. His moves were very agil. It looked more like he was dancing than walking. He worn leaf green jacket vest with black A-shirt under it. He also had black fingerless gloves and black trousers. His face was mostly covered by black gas mask and his eyes were hidden behind eyeglasses. He was carrying a lightasber at his side. He seems calm and self-confidention was emanating from him.
He stand before The Dark Claws, listened their congratulations, was hugged by Wookie and get his vibroblade. When one of servant gave him mask, which was his trophy, "Mr. X"'s printer printed another sheed. "CPU" again read message from mysterious Dark Claw:
-Wo Koon. "Saber". I know that your family is famous because of your uncle and you don't wanna live in shadow of his stature. Good luck and beware. Way you've choose isn't simply. Take care of yourself. Mr X.
Wo Koon thanked Mr X, took mask and stand before The Claws.
-"GLORY" - shouted raising vibroblade and mask. Claws again shouted "Glory!" three times.

-Did you heard what've he done? - Bothan asked Trandoshan girl.
-Yessssss... - she answered - But look at ssservantssss.... They gave all trophyssssss...
-What? - said suprised Bothan and looked at servants -You have right, "Snake". And where is trophy third person? - he asked, when "Sir" begun introduce Lukas Pawlik - "Door-Keeper".
-I don't know "Sssshadow", but I'm really intresssted what he'ssss done. "Door-keeper". There are many normal nickssss... For Exssssample my..
-"Snake" or the second one? - Bothan asked.
-Offissssial. "Asssssasssin" - she hissed, when "Door-keeper" entered old cathedral. He was pale human with long, brown hair. Scar on left ear contrasted his nice smile. He worn dark, green robes reminding Jedi's ones. His blue eyes looked over The Claws and he moved to the chapel.
-I'm sure, he'll be exlaining this on party - whispered Bothan again - Wait! Look at "Sir"!
Black knight congratulated human and closed visor immediately after that.
-Ssssstrange.... Sssssir never do that.... - hissed Trandoshan - He mussst know sssssomething we don't know.

"CPU" and "Plushy" congratulated "Door-Keeper" and when he caught breath, Toklar congratulated him too. Lukas looked at printer which strange didn't print any message. He wait few seconds, but nothing happend. He took his vibroblade, when machine printed very short message. Duros took paper and started reading:
-"Congratulations." - Duros rised glasses and suprised looked at text. He looked like he didn't believe, what he read - Well... "Ha-ha." It's all.

-Now I know why "Sir" closed visor - said Bothan - He propably now laughing... And we must be mature here.
-Thisss human took ssssomething from sssservant - hissed "Snake". Lukas turned back and stand front to The Claws. He raised vibroblade in one hand and small magnetic key-card on other. He stoped smiling, when he suprised saw, that The Claw's members was totally shoked.
-Glory? - he rather asked then shouted. Uncaster's Armour started shakeing.
-Eerrrr.... GLORY! - started "CPU". Other Claws answered three times "Glory" very chaotic. When he stand aside, "Snake" asked Bothan - What he hassss done? He opened door?

"CPU" stand before mercenaries and told trying stop laugh.
-You are propably very intrested their stories - he told. Uncaster's armour started shakeing again. Duros continued - All we know, that the best stories we can hear on party! Let's the party begun!

End of episode one.


EDIT
Well... I fixed several mistackes.. Biggest:

Good look => Good luck :D
Small difference, isn't :D

ehhh... I never see mistakes on computer... I must printed it... Maybe there I see more of them... I know that is full of mistakes in words or gramar mistakes..

[Finx!]

Good work. Fun read. Thanks.

[Lord Marvel]

Ahhhh, the good old days, I will shed a tear to it ;)

[CMDR Blue R]

Session I "Door-keeper"
Episode II "The Party"

Mess-room on Middle Castle was prepared for party during ceremony. Battleground bas-reliefs was covered by colourful curtains. Tables was moved closer wall to make dance floor on centre mess-room. Droid musicer took its place in corner and waited for signal. "CPU" entered mess-room as first and ordered droid to start music. Droid started playing "The Claw Anthem", when others crowdly entered room. Many of them went to Bartender droid, which prepared many drinks for this party. The party begun.

Wo Koon took another glass of Corellian Whiskey and look at "Negotiator" which sat next to him and was talking about his last mission.
-... and then I asked him: "Why you just don't stop this?" And guess what they told? - said Cerean to other Claws, which sat by table.
"CPU" emptied his glass and said - Don't tell, that's exactly what told you Mikah tribe?
-Yes, they do! - answered Cerean - "We cannot stop fighting, because Mikah don't do that too!"
-It can't be true. - said black furred Bothan - They fight for several years and noone thought about ending of that war. And you spend on this planet 8 months and after that you just asked them to stop this?
-Yes - said Cerean - They fight just because think that other side don't wanna stop this! And after that they allowed me to keep their war banners.
-Incredible - said "CPU" and filled his glass.

-Roarrr - said "Plushy", which suddenly aproached to table. Her silver droid started to translate.
-Miss Sculy asked "CPU" ... - droid stopped for second, when Female Wookie grabbed Duros and took him on dance floor. Droid looked at this and ended out loud - "Wanna dance...."
Everybody laughed when Wookie female threw up Duros in air, caught and spun with him. Poor "CPU" was totally surprised and couldn't do anything, except
dropping glass.

-Who wanna be next? - asked Bothan and looked around.
-I don't wanna be Wookie's doll - answered "Door-keeper" looking at Wookie and Duros.
-I was talking about telling story, not dancing with "Miss Sculy". - answered Bothan.
-Right. I'll tell you my story. However I've small question... Is "Scully" her real name? - asked pointing at dance floor, where Wookie again throw poor Duros.
-Off course it isn't. Her real name is Wrrru...err.. I've remember it a minute ago. Anyway her name is so long and difficult, so you can easier get this one - said while drew of a lightsaber - than say it.
-This is only because of war - said Cerean - It's impossible to find place with four lightsaber and zero Jedi. Lightsabers aren't produce for sell.
-Four? - asked surprised Bothan - I think, there are only three.
-Your, my, Wo's and his - said Cerean and pointed at "Door-keeper". Bothan smiled and drew out two another lightsabers.
-I said that there are only three lightsabers. - said slowly.
-Don't forget, we've another - said "Door-keeper" and grabed noting at his side. He looked down suprised and one second later looked at lightsabers which kept "Shadow". - Hey! - pointed at him - It's mine!
-Be careful - said Bothan and gave back lightsabers - Well.. "Door-keeper" we'll... - he stoped, when "CPU" screamed when Wookie throw him a little to high. He hit ceiling and fell again into "Sculy"'s hands. Bothan looked at them for several seconds and said to "Door-keeper" - We'll very intrested you story, because your nickname is very.... mysterious. -said with wide smile.

"Door-keeper" swallowed his glass and begun his story. He was talking about his help during one of last "Dreadnought"'s mission. "Dreadnought" - Famous Kel Dor which always on mission wear his powered battleframe, equipment with two laser cannons, was hired to defend hotel. Employer expected pirate's attack during visit of famous "Their 5" music band and he was right. Small security team can't defend hotel from so massive assault.
-I've heard that for every member of band they can get a million credits! - said "Door-keeper" and continued story. He was talking about separation and how he accidentally meet two pirates on back door.
-I think fast, so I killed one of them, before they even realised that I'm armed. However I must run away, when second one started shooting at me. I run through kitchen and hide behind door from kitchen to corridor. Pirate chased me... So, when he ran by the door I turned on my lightsaber on his head height. Well... This corridor was used by cargo speeder and was build on steep angle... Pirate's body rolled down corridor.
Bothan interrupted this story - Can you be a little faster? You don't get to point, while we all here will be too drunk to listen.
-I almost get it, "Shadow". Listen. Sometime your whole life boils down to one insane decision. I've made this decision next to this door. I stayed here and waited for more pirates, hopeful that they'll not attack in group. And only a few times they attack in group. I've killed many being... Mostly pirates - he said with smile.
-You're joking, right? - asked Bothan. "Door-keeper" denied.
-You said "mostly pirates"? - asked Wo Koon.
-Yes... - "Door-keeper" smiled purely - When first group attacked, I killed first of them and rushed through the door shouting "I'm Jedi! SURRENDER!"... And after I killed fourth of them I realised, they are planet's security officers. Fortunately, "Dreadnought" arrived and explained this misunderstanding.
-And you got nickname "Door-keeper" for this?! - asked surprised Bothan.
-I killed more pirates than "Dreadnought" and one of them was infamous pirate's captain Derka Av-ah!
-And this magnetic key-card? - asked Bothan again.
-I took it from door-keeper's lodge. It opening this famous door... What? - "Door-keeper asked when realised that everyone surprised looked at him.

Suddenly drunken Gammorean rushed into Bothan. "Shadow" avoided him and Gammorean landed on table and smashed bottle of Corellian Whiskey.
-"Piglet"! - shouted Bothan - Didn't you drink to much?!
Gammorean grunted and unsuccessfully tried to stand up. Immediately Wilhelm Uncaster approached the table. He was wearing black suit instead of his black armour.
-"Piglet"... You must go to bed... - he said. Gammorean grunted. Anyone understated that he denied. - I've said "you MUST go to bed"! - repeated Alderaan's Noble, grabbed Gammorean and pulled him out of table.
-"Sir". Will you join us? - asked Bothan raising glass.
-I drink only official toasts - answered red, glowing eyed human and pulled Gammorean out of mess-room.
-Nobility... - said Bothan and looked at smashed bottle - Bartender!
Golden droid come near table and without emotion asked "How can I serve?"
-Give us another bottle of Corellian Whiskey. - ordered Bothan
-Off course. However I will remind that you passed "free liquor limit" for this evening. - answered droid and turned away.
-Wait! - said Bothan - We don't even opened this! - he pointed at smashed bottle.
-Sorry, but I've ordered to count brought bottles. And this is counted as "brought". - answered droid.
-Fine! - Bothan shouted - Just bring it! - Droid turned again and went to bar. Bothan looked again at smashed bottle. - "Piglet" will pay for this bottle...
-So... - Cerean tried to end this awkward silence - We didn't hear "Saber" story yet...

-Well.... - started "Saber"- I was on mission with "Gunner". Our mission was find and destroy enemy headquarter... I follow my instinct and decided to land in deep forest... We land on roof of enemy stronghold. - Kel Dor smiled- We distributed and attacked alone. So I entered enemy stronghold by ventilation shaft, I will never understand why those are never guarded, anyway, I got there and was wondering around since I didn`t receive any map of this place, so I needed to get one. Following my instinct I was walking trough the dark steel corridors of separatists stronghold, after few minutes I have made my way to the communication center and by using terminal that was there I have obtain a map of this complex. I was heading to the command center to have little tęte ŕ tęte with their leaders, unfortunately I have had to trigger some kind of security device, because all of a sudden, corridor in front and behind of me was filled with battle droids - "Saber" started gesticulate to show, how it looked - but this was no problem for me, I have force pushed those in front of me, and while they were flying I jumped and used them as a shield to block incoming blaster bolts from those behind me, after I passed them, I have used force push to throw them back at those that were shooting at me. I was making my way to command center, I was passing the corridor upon Command center, when I felt that there is someone quite strong in the force right under me, I have ignited my lighsaber on and cut through the floor and jumped down with my lightsaber. Dark Jedi was standing at the top of the table, he have raised his head just second before I was on him, my blade went right through his chest, than I have turned around to look at the rest of leaders, I used force lightning on them, they have fried in a second. I have shake off...errrr- he stoped for two seconds - shook of the dust from my clothes, and made my way to the exit. - "Saber" looked over the table.

-Dark Jedi? - murmured "Negotiator" - You acted like one of them...
Saber moved shoulders. He never like this split. He always think it was unnatural split of one force. He wanna answer Cerean, when Bothan raised his glass.
-Well, well... It's sound, you are hero. - said Bothan - However I like working smarter than harder and Negotiator done best job here. - Bothan look at "Door-keeper" and "Saber" - No offence, but every being can kill... Done mission without kill is art... - Bothan looked at Kel Dor, but Wo only shrugged his shoulders.
-Your Corellian Whiskey, Sir - said Bartender Droid, which suddenly approached to the table.
-At least! - said "Shadow" and took the bottle - Guys! Today we drink at "Piglet" credit!
-Sir, I cannot take money from person which don't have permission for... - droid stopped, when Bothan shouted:
-I know that! I pay for this now, but later I'll just get this money back from "Piglet"!
-As you wish, Sir - said droid - After party I send check to your room.
Bothan looked at droid, which returned to bar.
-I hate droids... - he whispered. - Right... - he said filling glasses - For glory!
Everyone took glass and drank for this.

Wilhelm Uncaster returned to mess-room after 30 minutes. He wear gray suit this time.
-Whanna dance, sweethrrt? - muttered to him drunken twi'lek. "Sir" looked at him. "Gunner" swayed front of him and probably didn't realised he was talking to "Sir". Alderaan human ignored him, passed by and headed to table where sat new Claws.
"Negotiator" was almost unconscious, "Door-keeper" incessantly looked at empty glass and Wo Koon tried to talk to sleepy Bothan. "Sir" maliciously smiled. He wait for this whole evening. He stand above them and told:
-I almost forgot. Let me say where you can find keys to your rooms...

End of episode two.

[Amorl]

Episode 2 was awesome. How many more are you planning on writing?

[CMDR Blue R]

<counting>

Remain episodes for "Session I"
"Day One"
"To Soholia!"
"PVP"
"Duel"

End of session one... And almost every session will be something like that...

Later:
Session II "War at Thyferra"
Session III "Sir vs Mr. X + short story "Two Negotiators"
Session IV "Order 66" (during episode III of course)
Session V "Sisters C." or "Lighting" (I can't decide who is more important)
Session VI "Saving "Snake""
Session VII "Revange" (or simply "Wo Koon vs Vader")
Session VIII "Weddning"
Session IX "The longest mission" (for about 20 years in normal life.)
Session X "Starship from bones"
Long single Session (session for one player) "Snake"
Session XI "Pink Starship trip" (Second episode of "Starhip from bones" trilogy
Session XII "Second War at Thyferra" (title in progress... End of "Starship from bones" trilogy)
Session XIII "Battle of Sauchen" (during Episode IV)

I forgot something, it's sure.... I can't remember where "Lighting" get this Pink Starship... I remember how he get this.. But I don't remember mission.... :D But this will be something like that.. Maybe +1/2 session....

[~Kith]

Good story and don't worry I catch a lot of mistakes on mine after I posted it lol