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AstralProjection

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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

Wrap up from the battle, and the Jedi head off into the complex. Enjoy!

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May the Force receive your withered soul,” I uttered to my ears alone, and deactivated my violet blade and took a step back from the corpse of the Sith apprentice. He had been a worthy opponent, but was no match for the combined might of two veteran Jedi Knights. I turned my back to the Sith’s motionless frame and took another step away. I immediately laid eyes upon Gaiutus, drenched with sweat, barely lucid after the extreme fatigue he had suffered. Our young leader was doubled over in pain in the midst of a failed attempt to rise to his feet. He had fought off Darth Vicissitus’ lightning for far longer than most Jedi could’ve managed and somehow managed to stand his ground. By itself it was a small miracle that the man was still breathing. Even absorbed by a lightsaber, a Sith’s lightning could wither a man away into nothingness if endured for long enough. All Gaiutus had to show for his efforts was a tinge of gray in his short, dirty blonde hair. The Force is strong in you, indeed, my friend. I walked across the corridor to where he knelt next to his fallen opponent and extended a gauntleted hand is his direction. “Up with you, Gaiutus Balthar. The Force isn’t finished with us yet today. There are high mountains to summit ahead. You fought valiantly.”

Gaiutus wrapped his forearm around mine and I gave a heave and hoisted him to his feet, into Gryffon’s waiting grasp. The two of us shouldered his weight and began to walk him back toward the shuttle, where the troop commanders appeared to be convening to decide their next moves. Several medics rushed onto the scene, and began the unpleasant task of triage, deciding who could be saved and who would be left to perish on the unforgiving ferrocrete of the municipal facility. “Thank you, friends. Who came to my aid? Who among us had the prowess to do what I could not, and slay Darth Vicissitus?” the young Knight’s words sounded labored, and he drew deep, heavy breaths in between them.

“It was one of the troopers, Gaiutus. Alkhet and I had our hands full with his little hound. You owe them your thanks, not us,” Gryffon answered, nodding toward the Kel Dor Sergeant near the shuttle that was issuing commands to his units. I spied young Nwahs Nirom in the line of troopers awaiting triage. The boy stood out like a sore thumb in his present company. He was unconscious, but his chest visibly rose and fell, signaling that the Force had seen fit to spare him during the crash.

After the crash we woke to the sound of heavy bootsteps on the corridor floor, and when we made our hasty exit from the shuttle we had time to do little more than confirm that he still lived. We had been the first ones to rise from the wreckage, and the Sith were already bearing down on us when we emerged. We had bought the soldiers enough time to regroup and mount a counterattack, which proved to be all we needed to do. The Republic trooper was a breed apart, conditioned through intense training regimens to fear neither pain nor death, and these men had lived up to their reputations. The surviving troopers had poured through the opening in the roof and the fallen shuttles and wasted no time in setting up heavy weapons and cannons to form a beachhead in the cover of the scattered debris from the crash. We aided Gaiutus in limping over toward Nwahs, who appeared sound asleep, leaned up against a nameless trooper who stirred when we approached.

“I owe you my thanks for pulling my Padawan from the wreckage, soldier. We had no time to waste when the shuttle finally came to a stop. The enemy was already knocking at our door,” Gaiutus told him.

“Save your thanks, master Jedi. I have no doubt that you would have done the same for me,” he replied as he removed his helmet, revealing a messy patch of dark hair above an expressionless face that did not seem to suit him. “Some would say you already did, by rushing out to do battle ahead of the troops that were supposed to be escorting you.” He picked up a canteen from the ground and tossed it to Gaiutus, who gladly caught it. “Drink up, you look exhausted.” Gaiutus needed no further invitation, and voraciously guzzled the remainder of the water inside.

“A Jedi does not have the luxury of rest when evil rears its hideous head,” I told the trooper with a smile intended to lighten the atmosphere. “I am Alkhet Noth. It is as honor to fight alongside your unit. Have you served in many battles? Your men move like a feat of precision engineering.”

“Well met, Alkhet. My name is Adrastos Lee, and I have seen my share of war, though I’ll admit that it’s been a long time since I served in live combat. The Lieutenant and I trained most of these men, but a good number have yet to ship off Coruscant. To many this would have been their first real skirmish. There are plenty of veterans here, but typically the best soldiers are out on the front lines of the war, rather than stagnating here on Coruscant like Ardhel and I.” His last words possessed a hint of bitterness. I decided to focus on the latter part of his statement.

“He was a fine commander then, to have trained you all so well. He is never truly gone as long as we find a way to do his memory justice, Adrastos Lee, never forget that,” Gaiutus told him in an empathetic tone as he handed the canteen back over the soldier.

“And I’ll see to it that we do, master Jedi,” he replied, as he took the canteen from Gaiutus and gave it a shake to make sure it had been emptied. Lee fastened returned the canteen to his bandoleer.

“Call me Gaiutus.”

“You are a thirsty man indeed, Gaiutus,” he replied, and paused a moment, before adding, “I took the shot, you know. It was the first step on a path to making that happen. This spree of Sith destruction must end. We must show that Coruscant belongs to the Republic, to free people everywhere, not to some hooded tyrant with sadistic fetishes.”

“And we will fight alongside you until the end to bear that message to them, Adrastos,” Gryffon said with complete certainty. Gaiutus bowed deeply to the supine trooper.

“I owe you my life then. I don’t know what sustained me out there, but I was hanging on by a thread.” Gaiutus looked genuinely grateful. Then again, the young man was honest to a fault, and rarely minced words, so it should have come as no surprise to me.

“It was the same thing thing that brought me to my feet to fight through the enemy fire and take the shot. I had something to fight for. We’ve all lost a lot today. Every last one of these men has said goodbyes to something or someone in frantic conditions; maybe not even had the chance to say goodbye at all. They’re no different from you and me, Gaiutus. No different at all.” The trooper’s words told me that he spoke the truth, and he was no strangers to the horrors of war. The trooper paused again, before adding, “I saw what happened to the Temple. I’m sorry for your loss as well.”

“The will of the Force is mysterious, sometimes beyond the grasp of lowly mortals like ourselves,” I told the trooper with a faint melancholy. He nodded. “We can give our best effort to understand it.”

“Not how I would put it, but I suppose you’re right, Alkhet,” he replied. “Maybe your kind are as wise as the legends say.” The soldier managed a slight grin for the first time since we had engaged him in conversation. By then the medics were nearing Nwahs and Lee, and preparing to give the young man a hearty dose of stimulant.
“The kid’s out cold,” the medic said as she approached, shaking her long blonde hair in displeasure.

“He had a rough landing, and didn’t sleep a wink last night,” Gryffon said. “The kid probably needed his rest.” The trooper bent down and checked his pulse, then shined a flashlight into each of Nwahs’ eyes, which rapidly drooped shut as soon as she let go. She produced a small stimpack and used a pistol-like apparatus to inject an entire syringe of adrenal stimulants into him, and his body shuddered, and his eyes fluttered open.

“Rise and shine, Nwahs…You slept through the entire battle!” Gryffon teased him. I couldn’t help but grin. It appeared to take a few moments before Nwahs processed his current surroundings.

“Wh—wha—what happened?” he asked.

“Too much to fill you in on right now. On your feet, and let this kind woman tend to the Corporal,” Gaiutus told him as he helped him to his feet. Nwahs still had a foggy look about him, but I felt confident that he would be fine. Lee winced as the medic applied a kolto pack to the charred wounds on his side and shoulder. Kolto had a soothing effect, but the liquid stung upon first application to an open wound like most substances. “We need to move out soon, the Sith will be returning very soon,” our leader added, implying that we be prepared to press onward.

Sergeant Koon appeared to be in accord with Gaiutus, because with uncanny timing, he called out, “All able troopers form ranks and exit the crash site!” The Kel Dor had been busy planting high explosive charges in strategic points around the landing zone, I realized as I surveyed the wreckage. He knew as well as we did that the Sith would lead their ranks around the outside of the facility and come right in through the roof if we didn’t seal it quickly. Gaiutus walked over toward him to converse.

“Sergeant, may I have a word?” he asked.

“Certainly. What’s on your mind, master Jedi? If you’re here to assume command, be my guest. I do not presume to be the leader that Lieutenant Ardhel was,” he stated in his detached, mechanical voice.

“Actually, I was going to suggest that you continue your orders as planned. You seem to have done a fine job here. These men followed their orders to the letter and rose to the challenge more than adequately. A lesser leader could not have achieved that,” Gaiutus told him with a respectful nod. “There are more Sith warriors among their number, I can feel it. Some far more powerful than those we just faced. My fellow Jedi and I must venture out into the rest of the complex and locate them. It’s the only way we can give your men a chance at guarding the mainframe from the Sith’s greater numbers. “

The Kel Dor paused for a long time before finally nodding in agreement, as if he had been weighing all the possibilities. In the background, the troopers that were in fighting condition cleared their comrades bodies from the crash site and marched farther up the corridor, toward another wide hallway that divided it in two. White emergency lights flickered down the length of the West Wing’s main corridor, giving the entire scene an odd slow-motion effect. “You are right, Gaiutus Balthar. The Lieutenant trusted you immediately, and something tells me I should as well. SShould you choose to return, I will look to you for my orders, though. I wouldn’t have lasted a minute against that thing.”

“You underestimate the power of courage, Sergeant Koon, and it is not a trait exclusive to the Jedi. I would not stand before you, were it not for your sharpshooter.”

“I suppose you are correct. You and your companions had best be on your way. I’m going to bring that troop transport and the Sith Interceptor on the roof down on top of us in a moment.” As I overheard the Sergeant’s last sentence, I approached the pair and interrupted their discourse.

“Before we depart, you should let us assist you in your task. Not all heavy lifting requires physical strength,” I told him. Gaiutus nodded and smiled at me.

“Alkhet speaks the truth. Perhaps we can assist you in sealing off the crash site. We shall aid you as best we can.” The troopers had all cleared from the crash zone by then. I noticed that Lee had strapped on some makeshift patches for his armor that must have been gathered from fallen troopers, and motioned for Nwahs to follow him, as he appeared to be explaining the operation of a medium repeater to the boy in depth. They meandered toward the other troops, and stood toward the front of the ranks the watch the impending spectacle. Gryffon had joined us alongside Sergeant Koon.

“I suggest we all move to a safer distance, on the other side of the shuttle. Let me do my job, and you can clean up the mess.” His alien voice made it take an extra moment to confirm that it was a joke. Kel Dor didn’t exactly smile; the breathing apparatus made sure of that. We followed him and watched as he silently counted down. When his hand had formed a clenched fist, he gave a final glance to ensure the blast area was clear, and squeezed the detonator in his right hand.

For one more of what I would later learn would become many times, the entire wing of WeatherNet shook with explosive force. Reflective windows shattered all along the lengthy corridor, revealing the various laboratories, monitoring stations, and employee quarters that comprised the bulk of the facility. Several rooms contained banks of computer terminals, suggesting our intelligence was correct, and the wing we had entered housed the numerous datacenters required to maintain such a complex technological endeavor. An overture of deafening blasts sounded off all around us, and the massive section of ceiling beneath the teetering troop transport buckled and crashed to the ground with ease, bringing the remains large craft into it to fill the void of open space left by our crash. Darth Vicissitus’ interceptor had landed on the opposite side of the hole, and the large, sleek craft groaned and toppled into the hole. The entire section of corridor shuddered and collapsed inwards around the two craft, leaving a pile of twisted metal and mortar that would take incredible force to move.

“You didn’t leave much for us to clean up,” I told the Sergeant with an approving wink. I stepped forward with my fellow Jedi, and operated of singular mind with them. We closed our eyes, stretched out our hands, and called upon the Force to flow through us, cleanse us, and guide us to its will, and its will became one with ours. The remains of the destroyed assault shuttle shook and gave a screeching sigh as it lifted from the floor of the corridor. Pebbles and loose wreckage hovered around it as the shuttle rose straight into the air as the three of us concentrated deeply on its form. We guided the hovering pieces of the craft slowly toward the blockage, finally forced it into place against the thick mountain of debris that sealed the corridor to the west with another loud groan. If the Sith are going to dig their way through that it will take a very long time. Time enough for the troopers to harass their efforts. It’s not perfect, but it’s going to have to do.

“I don’t think the enemy will be coming in this way,” Gryffon said with satisfaction as we opened our eyes in unison.

“Let’s hope not,” the Kel Dor replied. “Either way, it’s the best we can do. I have a few more heavy charges and I’m going to need them to ensure that all entrances from the central atrium are sealed.”

“Well then, let us be on our way. Find the mainframe and guard it at all costs, Sergeant. We will find a way to deal with their leaders. We have to.” Gaiutus didn’t look overtly concerned, but also didn’t seem his normal, confident self. We could all feel the evil inside the facility; I was sure of it. None of us had spoken of it since arriving, with the chaos of battle descending upon us immediately, but it was there in the distance; a burning hatred that made Darth Vicissitus’ wrath seem like a child’s tantrum. The Dark Side’s energy haunted every last meter of WeatherNet, sapping my strength even as I fought through exhaustion to keep going in stride beside Gaiutus. Sergeant Koon saluted us, and we returned the favor, unsure which was truly proper protocol.

“Good luck, Jedi Knights. Or how does your saying go? May the Force be with you. The universe needs more of your kind.”

“You have convinced me that it needs more of your kind as well, Sergeant. Brave soldiers, willing to die for what is right. In the end, are we not the same this day?” Gaiutus asked. He did not wait for an answer to his rhetorical question and moved onward, with Gryffon and me falling behind. We walked over to Nwahs and Corporal Lee. “Ready to move out, young Padawan? You look as if you’re ready to use that blaster,” he added with a smile. It sounded strange to hear Gaiutus address him as a Padawan, but we had to maintain the charade we had begun.

“Yes, master Balthar! I’m ready to take the fight back to the Sith and make my dad proud, wherever he is. We owe them one,” Nwahs said. He did not sound afraid, but I noticed an apprehension in his eyes when he spoke of his father. Still, his bravery was remarkable.

“We owe them far more than one, young one,” I told him. Far, far more. I wasn’t sure if it was a desire for revenge that drove me, or the pure code of honor I claimed to hold so dear, but I felt as if I had a very large score to settle with the Empire that had destroyed my home.

“Then off with us. Just let us get out of the wing, and you can seal it off behind us, Sergeant. I hope to see you before the sun rises again,” Gaiutus told the Kel Dor, before adding, “Oh, and Corporal Lee…thank you again. I will not forget my debt to you.”

“Something tells me you three will have paid that debt back a hundredfold before we see each other next. May the Force be with you indeed. I do not envy your task.” Adrastos Lee gave a quick salute, and watched as we walked down the corridor, toward the end that had been sealed off by Alpha Squad’s rocket salvo. One of the intersecting hallways had to lead to another way out of the West Wing, so we eventually turned out of sight as we neared the end of the corridor. I noticed him give one last look in our direction, before readying his rifle and falling in formation next to Sergeant Koon as we rounded the corner.

What sort of madman am I, to walk off to face something that hardened soldiers wished to brook no confrontation with? I wondered. The power of the Dark Side seething from the facility seemed to sap my normally unfaltering confidence. It was Gryffon’s hand on my shoulder that woke me from my troubled thoughts as we walked behind Gaiutus and Nwahs.

“We all sense it, friend. Remain strong. Remember why we’re here, to protect the innocent. We do not have to take revenge upon the evil in this place, only stop it from causing any more death and suffering,” Gryffon told me quietly. I nodded. I’m not sure any of us can stop a force this powerful Gryffon, let alone destroy it. But we have to try. We have to stay focused. We owe at least that much to our brethren that gave their lives this day.


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Nwahs
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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

Nice Happy I liked the line "Have you served in many battles?" It reminded me of Luke's line to Threepio... "have you been in many battles?" Was that intentional?

Caught a typo:

"SShould you choose to return, I will look to you for my orders, though. I wouldn’t have lasted a minute against that thing.”

Other than that, awesome as always... do you think you'll have this done in time?


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AstralProjection

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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

Thanks...I actually caught that one in a re-read. I have two more parts almost finished now, should be posting one tomorrow some time. I'm really trying to wrap this up for the weekend. It's going to take a miracle but I may be able to pull it off.

If I have to though, I'm going to put together some kind of "teaser packet" for the anniversary, maybe give the first couple chapters if I see I'm just never going to make it. I'd rather give everyone a taste than rush something we've done so well with so far. It's going to be awesome.

Worst case scenario I see myself being done a week after the anniversary or so. The end should come together pretty easily, but before I call it finished I definitely want to give it a final read through and make sure I didn't miss any suggestions/corrections. Picking up the Knight/Trooper parts proved harder than I thought...I've had a pretty good vision of the end since I started honestly, I just hadn't been thinking in the mindset of the other groups until I forced myself to recently.


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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

Sweet! Yeah let's take a lesson from Bioware and not rush out a crappy finished product... but a teaser would be great for the anniversary, people would get all excited!


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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

Nwahs Nirom wrote:
Sweet! Yeah let's take a lesson from Bioware and not rush out a crappy finished product... but a teaser would be great for the anniversary, people would get all excited!


Yeah, def. I'll really get to wax eloquent at the end so I don't want to blow the opportunity by rushing it.

I'm just disappointed work and RL had to blow up so bad right when I'm trying to work with a deadline. I should've been able to tackle it anyway. I tend to get more productive as I get closer to a deadline so I'll see. Like I said I still might pull of a miracle but my main focus is just telling this awesome story we came up with as well as possible, and it's going to be long enough that a "teaser" will probably keep most folks busy 'til the entire thing is released ; )

Thanks again for the catches...please keep reading. I did try to slip that line in as a little Easter egg...I like doing things like that when they come to me. I really want to keep this as "Star Wars" as possible. I'm honestly writing it more like I would a movie script, or telling the story as a director more than I typically would, probably because I'm trying to pay homage to the movie series first and foremost before I delve into the deeper lore and literature in Star Wars.

It's been difficult to keep it "Epic" while having a large cast of characters that can't die, but I think I'm getting dramatic enough with the losses that are suffered that it's not seeming like Godmode. I'm trying anyway.

It really helps to hear the encouraging posts through all this. I didn't realize this would take on such a life of its own and become such a huge project, but it's been cool. I'm just not used to it as a poet, I'm used to taking small groups of words and polishing them until they sparkle. Large groups of words are tough to do, and avoid redundancy. Great experience though, and I'm glad you all gave me the opportunity and the confidence to undertake it for the group, so thanks again.


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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

I think just a teaser would suffice. Personally I think having it done by the Anniversary may have been too ambitious given the size of the project and the fact that we are down to one writer. Don't rush, it gets done when it gets done, I like the quality we've got going and don't want to ruin it. I'll be happy just to see it done before the game comes out.

As for a teaser, lets go with the intro and maybe the first chapter from each class group? That's five chapters, should be plenty to whet people's appetites.


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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

Excellent as always, Astral. Pure excellence. big grin

What battle just happened? The Knight part 4 didn't mention anything of a battle.. did this battle take place in one of the other parts? I must have missed a section, I'll check again.
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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

It was in latest Trooper part :D


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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

Lord Marvel wrote:
It was in latest Trooper part :D


What the guy with the big gun said ^^ ; )

Just to give you an update, I put together the teaser for Gaiutus, so hopefully we'll be seeing that go out to everyone, and I'm really going to try to have everything done within the next week or two.

A big wrench got thrown in all my plans when one of the kids stepped on my laptop and ruined the screen. I should have the replacement screen here shortly. I have a desktop that's my main gaming computer, but it was unhooked and moved out of my basement due to the storm, so I haven't been able to get much of any work done in the last couple days.

Was also my son's birthday on Thursday, so we had festivities then and Friday to contend with.

What a crazy couple of weeks it's been. Sick grandma, earthquakes, hurricanes, work, Aaaaaaah!!!! To top it all off while the power was out yesterday an interstate manhunt was going on across the street from my house, where some crazy ex-army guy from Virginia drug his daughter with him as he killed his mother-in law (who lived on my street) and 3 other people in VA. They finally found him after he committed suicide a town over. All I have to say is this world better go back to f'n normal when TOR launches, or I'm just quitting life, to be a full time TOR player, because this whole place is going to hell in a bucket : P

Looking forward to getting my laptop back today or tomorrow. For some reason I never feel as comfortable writing on my desktop (probably literally, because I can't sit in bed or on the couch).


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re: Peer Review - Knight Part 5

Glad to hear you are alright, Astral. About a month ago some guy went crazy in a city an hour away from where I live, but I have brothers who live there, so for a while I was a little concerned for them. We truly are going to hell in a hand basket.
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