Post new topic   Reply to topic    Pax Republica Forum Index -> RP and Character Stories
View previous topic :: View next topic  
AstralProjection

user avatar

Joined: 01 Sep 2010
Posts:

Send private message
Reply with quote

re: Peer Review - Knight Part 4

Okay, posting this now, so you don't think I'm slacking on the project. I didn't get a chance to proofread it yet, been super busy at work, but IIRC it's pretty decent already : ) This actually falls before the piece that CMDR just posted, which I still have to go over, and gets the Jedi to the rendezvous point with the troopers.

Edit: LOL shows how tired i am, I labeled it wrong because I was thinking about trooper part 3 : /

__________________________________________________________________________

It was after much deliberation that I found myself packed into a small, open airspeeder alongside Gryffon, Gaiutus, and young Nwahs Nirom, headed for Pogoria Mall, hoping to rendezvous with the Republic Military. The Younglings we had rescued were safe under the protection of Cloud and Tcyiora, and the Force had presented our team with a new purpose in the absence of Master Tok’s guidance. Listening to the coded distress signal from the WeatherNet facility hadn’t given us much useful information, but had at least made us pause to plan our next move. We knew that the Weather Control Network had come under attack by Sith forces, and we knew that there were at least some survivors, since they had managed to broadcast a distress signal, but we really didn’t know what kind of opposition to expect. The real stroke of fortune came when we sat in the living quarters and began to plan our next move, gazing out at the midmorning sun shining across the cityscape before us.

As we debated our next move and the best way to get to whoever had sent out the distress signal, Gryffon observed a Republic Military shuttle touching down in the distance, just outside Pogoria Mall. When we first spied the transport it seemed a curiosity, but nothing more. The military was probably mobilized all over the planet with Sith troops swarming Coruscant’s surface. As more time passed and the conversation drifted to other topics, such as another reprise of whether or not young master Nirom should really accompany us into such a hostile situation, a topic I was beginning to tire of, I counted two more shuttles touching down in a short period of time. It became clear that Republic troops were preparing a counterattack against a nearby location. Gaiutus was quick to suggest that we may be able to use our authority as Jedi to commandeer a transport or even garner assistance from the troops mustering there. It was decided that we would move with all haste for the rendezvous going on at Pogoria Mall, and hope for the best once we got there. Without our Masters to guide us, there was little to trust but the guidance of the Force, after all.

The speeder wove easily through the unsettlingly empty city streets, and Gryffon, who was piloting the craft, seemed to be enjoying the rare opportunity of having the streets of the Galactic capital all to himself. We darted back and forth between buildings, looping through speeder garages and open breezeways that normally would’ve earned us stern warnings or worse from the traffic control officers that worked Coruscant’s avenues and byways. Had I not known of Gryffon Etheras’ reputation as one of the finest pilots in the Order, I probably would’ve looked like Nwahs Nirom, clutching the side of the vehicle with a white-knuckled grip and a bloodless look to my face. I decided to reassure the boy, in what little way I could, “Be at ease, Nwahs. Gryffon is a fine pilot. You will come to no harm. The ride will be over soon, and there are far more treacherous ventures ahead of us than stunt driving. Are you certain you are ready?”

The pale-faced young man looked back at me and swallowed deeply, hopefully not choking back vomit, before replying, “I’ll be fine, master Noth. Sorry, I didn’t realize it was so obvious. Combat frightens me less than this “stunt driving” in a vehicle with an open cockpit. Soldiers tend to prefer dying at the battle instead of en route, you know.” He managed a weak smile, and I returned it. It made me happy to see that his courage had not faltered, despite being betrayed by his own stomach. Gryffon had overheard our conversation, even over the wind that was noisily whipping past us in the open cockpit.

“Sorry, kid, I’ve been stationed here at the Temple for a long time. I’d almost forgotten what it was like to be up in the air again, where I belong. Don’t get me wrong, the meditation chambers are peaceful and all, I just miss the feeling of open space and open throttles. I’ll cut out the fancy maneuvers, but with the importance of the task at hand, I can’t really slow this girl down much,” he shouted back to us. At least he kept his eyes trained ahead. Even devoid of traffic, Coruscant presented plenty of obstacles to a pilot, and you couldn’t afford to daydream.

“Thanks, and I understand. I’ll get used to it. Your skills are really quite impressive. I hope I can fly like that someday,” Nwahs replied, practically shouting over the wind.

“Oh, don’t worry, kid. If our feelings about you are right, you’re going to give me a run for my money sooner than you think. For now, just watch and learn!” he told Nwahs, his grin hidden from view, but implied in his tone. A few moments later, he announced that we were nearing Pogoria Mall. From far away it looked like a giant wheel fashioned of durasteel and glass, with a massive landing pad that had many walkways out to a multi-tiered ring of all manner of stores.

“Okay, pull this thing off to the side. I can see they have guards stationed approaching the landing pad. We should make it clear that we’re Jedi before pulling a strange speeder up to trained soldiers,” Gaiutus told Gryffon from his seat alongside the driver. The veteran pilot had the speeder tucked away beneath the awning of a nearby shop on the outside ring within the blink of an eye, and we quickly exited the vehicle. Nwahs Nirom looked glad to have both feet back on solid ground.

The landing pad at Pogoria Mall was massive, large enough to house the myriad speeders and bikes that would typically be flitting in and out of the large shopping center. The place was just one of many bloated commercialist temples that seemed to rise up from the planet itself on Coruscant. Sure, it glittered like a precious crystal, a fitting temple for the soul of the bustling Galactic center, both day and night gleaming to draw pilgrims into its waiting heart; but when precious crystals overflow from your coffers, how valuable do they truly remain? The truth of it was that beneath all the brilliant signs, flashy advertisements, and holovids beckoning us inside the shops that encircled us like an angry herd of Bloks Pogoria Mall was just another place of business, and it seemed very quiet and lonely without the throngs of consumers that normally haunted its every crevice. As we approached the walkway that led out to the landing pad, we noticed a pair of Republic troopers standing guard at the far end. We crossed the walkway slowly, purposely allowing our robes and the lightsabers displayed at our waists to do the talking for us.

It was fortunate for us that the Coruscant Regency Apartments had been so close to such an ideal gathering place for troops. Of no military importance, this vast landing pad nevertheless provided Republic shuttles with a perfect location to organize a counterattack against the Sith. Our plan was to imply that we had been dispatched on official business, and hopefully recruit a few shuttles to accompany us to WeatherNet. As we approached, the odd contrast between the two troopers stationed at the end of the walkway were apparent. One was a lean, slender woman, the other was a large, muscular male beneath his armor, almost twice the size of his companion. They didn’t wait for us to introduce ourselves, and the woman hailed us as we approached. “Please state your business, gentlemen.” Her voice sounded alien and detached when processed by the voice modulator in her helmet, which made it hard to ascertain her exact species or demeanor, though her choice of words told me that this woman was strictly business.

Gaiutus bowed before the two mismatched troopers, and the rest of us followed along. “My name is Gaiutus Balthar. I’ve come from the Temple. I need to speak with your commanding officer immediately.”

“I s’pose you think you do. You three are Jedi, I take it. What’s with the kid?” the burly man didn’t step closer but somehow it felt as if he was barring our path.

“He is my Padawan learner,” I interjected, not giving Gaiutus time to respond. I wasn’t sure what he was about to say, but there weren’t many other convincing stories we could give that wouldn’t waste a lot of time we didn’t have.

“I dunno, he doesn’t look like your type. Where are the robes? Where’s the sense of superiority?” the sarcastic trooper replied, clearly wary of my excuse. I was surprised by his attitude at first, before realizing that some of the troops stationed on Coruscant were probably blaming the Jedi for the Sith assault on the planet.

“Our exit from the Temple was hasty, to say the least, sir,” I responded curtly, but not rudely, hoping to simply defuse the line of questioning. I succeeded.

“Stow the attitude, Kryad. They’re obviously Jedi, and we’re going to need all the help we can get. You may pass, Gaiutus Balthar, just let me radio the Sarge and let him know you’re on your way,” the female officer said after landing a cautionary backhand across her companions chest. She produced a comlink, and said, “Sergeant Koon, come in. We have some visitors. Jedi Knights. They want a word with the Lieutenant.” There was an awkward delay, before a response cut the tension.

The voice that responded sounded even more heavily “processed” than usual. Sergeant Koon probably wasn’t human. “Send them up right away, Seika. I’ll brief them separately when they arrive,” was all the response the woman received.

“You heard the Sergeant, be on your way. Our commanding officers were just briefing the troops; when they finish they’ll speak with you. Oh, and sorry about Kryad here. It’s been a hard day for everyone. We’ve lost a lot of good soldiers out there,” Seika told us.

Gaiutus nodded and said, “I am sorry for your loss. My companions and I here wish to set this day right. Your friends will not have died in vain,” with a stern, but empathetic look. “Thank you, we will be on our way.” We walked passed the two troopers, who saluted us out of respect.

As we walked away, the large man called out behind us, “I hope for all of our sake that you do, master Jedi. Farewell.” Ahead, spread across the landing platform were five shuttles and a half a squadron of Republic fighters. Three of the shuttles were heavily outfitted assault vehicles, the other two merely troop transports. Five squads of Republic troopers were formed in neat ranks before the vehicles, and a leathery, sinewy looking Lieutenant addressed them all behind a piercing grimace. A T3 Astromech unit in front of the man projected a map of a large, cross-shaped complex.

“…And so, we will rush the enemy with an all out attack on the Western entrance of the WeatherNet complex. Intelligence on the building shows that the main computer of the facility is housed there. We can only assume that controlling the facility is their objective, there is no other reason to strike a municipal building like this Weather Control Network hub. I want heavies in firing positions on the transports, and rockets armed on all the shuttles. We’re going to blast our way into this little Sith get together. Once inside, our objective is to locate and seal off the mainframe computer and bar any Sith access to the West Wing. Any questions?”

The crowd before the Lieutenant stood as still as statues. These men were ready for a fight, and ready to pay the Sith back for wreaking havoc on their world. A Jedi is supposed to be above revenge, but I couldn’t help but feel pleased to think that the Sith were about to reap what they had sewn. “Alright then, I want you all strapped in and ready for launch in ten. DISMISSED!” The statuesque ranks of troopers saluted in unison at the Lieutenant’s final word and went off to their duties immediately. It was encouraging to think that we may be working with disciplined, veteran soldiers. As the ranks of soldiers parted, the grizzled commander strode down the center of the landing platform toward the three of us.

“Jedi, eh? That’s just what this fight was missin’, I’d wager. Welcome, welcome. To what do we owe the honor, master Jedi?” the Lieutenant asked Gaiutus, who stood in front of the rest of us. He motioned for us to follow as he loped away toward the center assault shuttle. A nasty looking bandaged wound on his left leg seemed to give him a lopsided gallop. The man seemed a bit odd, but certainly disciplined and efficient, and had obviously seen his share of battles. To him, this was just another campaign.

Gaiutus looked back toward the rest of us and shrugged, and motioned for us to follow. As we walked behind the Lieutenant, he introduced himself. “I am Gaiutus Balthar, Jedi Knight and servant of the Republic. My fellow Jedi and I have come from the Temple with grave news, but it appears you may possess the same information that we do.”

“Temple? Eh? Long gone I’m afraid. Sith came out of nowhere. Tragic, that,” the commander answered as he carved through the crossing ranks of troopers very smoothly for a man with such an awkward gait. “You can call me Lieutenant Ardhel, Gaiutus Balthar. WeatherNet, that’s the target. Distress signal broadcast not too long ago. Orders came in to render assistance, with the battles at the Temple and the Senate already lost. We’re all itchin’ for a good fight, the troops and I. Looks like we’re going to get it. Come onboard, no time to waste now. We’ll be launching shortly.”

We cautiously followed behind the no-nonsense Lieutenant, whose driven demeanor had just whisked us onto a shuttle headed for battle with the caution one would afford a stroll in the park. At least he’s headed for the same target. There will be no convincing required. I’m not sure who’s taking orders from who here, but this man has seen his share of battle as well. When battle approaches there is a certain look, a far-off longing or the faded image of a question never answered that lurks in the eyes of men who have had to grow familiar with killing. Lieutenant Ardhel had that look in his eye as he spoke to us in the shuttle that day. He was just doing his job. Messy work, that. But sometimes fate leaves us no other option. My life is not so different.

“Thank you, Lieutenant Ardhel. That was the information I spoke of. We received the same distress signal. We’ve been sent to put a stop to the Sith’s rampage, and halt their attack on the Weather Control Network,” Gaiutus replied. We hadn’t exactly been sent there, but Master Tok would’ve wanted it that way. We needed to protect the innocent, and do our duty no matter how weary of mind and body we were.

“Then I guess we’re going to share this cab ride, Gaiutus Balthar. Welcome aboard! Let my men get us inside the building, once we’re on good, hard, ferrocrete, you’re welcome to share the spotlight,” Lieutenant Ardhel said with an enthusiastic laugh that tried to mask the truth, that the man bore the weight of the galaxy, of life and death on his shoulders every time he went to work. I couldn’t help but commiserate.

“It will be our pleasure, Ardhel,” Gryffon said calmly. “My lightsaber has a few things it’s been dying to tell the Sith since we left the Temple.”

“We launch in five, boys! Gear should be stowed by now, Private!” the Lieutenant bellowed at a young human who was trying to hastily secure his armament and get himself strapped in, leaving us wondering if he had even heard what Gryffon said. No-nonsense indeed. “Hit ‘em hard, and never take your eyes off the prize, or the target in this case! Any last words, boys?”

“Just a few, Lieutenant,” a Sergeant chimed in. “FOR THE REPUBLIC!!!” The troops in the shuttle echoed his cry with thunderous force, and were joined by the troops in the other shuttles. It was an impressive display of valor. It is always an honor to fight beside men who place the safety of their home above their own lives. They fight for a reason greater than any fear-driven Sith soldier could ever understand. They were part of something bigger than themselves. We all were.


Last edited by AstralProjection on August 19, 2011 9:12 am; edited 1 time in total


_________________
Photobucket
Nwahs
Officer

user avatar
Awarded:
Joined: 11 May 2007
Posts: 13666

Send private message
Reply with quote

re: Peer Review - Knight Part 4



I definitely love it... I really like Nwahs line about not wanting to die en route to battle. Everything else flows swimmingly as well.

"We crossed the walkway slowly, purposely allowing our robes and the lightsabers displayed at our waists to do the talking for us. " Great imagery here.

Loved the part of the trooper (Kryad) asking about the "sense of superiority".


_________________
Clusterfact

user avatar

Joined: 12 Jul 2010
Posts:

Send private message
Reply with quote

re: Peer Review - Knight Part 4

I got giddy reading this piece and remembered how awesome this project is going to be when it is finished. Excellent work, Astral. big grin

You should get a "wordsmith" rank or something when this is done lol.
Nwahs
Officer

user avatar
Awarded:
Joined: 11 May 2007
Posts: 13666

Send private message
Reply with quote

re: Peer Review - Knight Part 4

Yeah, I was telling the Admins Astral deserves the Star of the Republic or something for this.

The idea that he deserves his own rank is sort of the total opposite line of thinking we want about how our rank system and awards system works. Like a real military/hierarchical organization, a rank signifies authority in the Chain of Command. We need to get members motivated about the award system for rewarding awesome effort, not promotions like most guilds/clans!


_________________
Posts from:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Pax Republica Forum Index -> RP and Character Stories All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum